EuGene Jordan

EuGene Jordan

We've all done it. Yep! Some more than other but we've all DONE and still DO it! We all have a habit of doing that one thing (or many things) that tick our wives off! Sometimes the effort required not to tick her off is often hard to keep up. For some, all you need to do is breath in the same room and you're under her skin. Believe it or not, I, EuGene Jordan suffer from this problem too and after almost 10 years deep into my marriage with my wife, I still get things wrong... like a lot... repeatedly! Life would be much easier if I had figured it all out already, but, I haven't. Until that day comes, I'm on a journey just trying to figure out how to avoid some of the predicaments I often find myself in. In fact, it was a "predicament" with my dear lady that inspired me to write this very article.

After having a little "debate" (argument) with my wife that successfully frustrated the hell out of her, she walked away and said, "Why don't you write about 10 things that wind up your wife and put THAT in a blog!!" So! I thought I'd take up the challenge. lol!   

So... at my wife's very sarcastic request, here are 5 (sorry I couldn't find 10) things that are guaranteed to tick your woman off, coupled with a few ideas and steps that will help us transform into a slightly more bearable husband. Here goes:    

 

 

Zone Out When She Is Talking    

I've had many conversations with my wife where whilst she's been talking I've been busy, either thinking about the points that I want to mention after she's done, or daydreaming about what I could be doing rather than having this conversation right now! When I've done this it's never worked in my favour. I've missed vital information that may have helped develop my marriage and even myself. This is a sure way, guaranteed to frustrate any woman because rather than just focusing on listening to exactly what she’s trying to say, our focus becomes very insular. When a man's focus is insular, the opportunity to fully engage with his wife is truly missed. (Tweet this!) I've now learned that it's so important to be fully engaged and locked into what she’s saying. I've also heard of some guys take the time to even clarify what they’ve just heard to make sure they are on the right track. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking so if you're like me and the TV is on... switch it off. If you're currently on the computer doing work or social networking, turn the volume off and walk away. Leave your phone in a different room. Whatever needs to be done to make sure she has ALL of your attention... just do it! Trust me when I say, It pays off in the long run!   

 

    

Tell Your Kids Off For Copying You    

I can't count the number of times I've been given that look when I've told my daughter off for doing the exact same stuff that I've done (and still continue to do...I know! I'm a hypocrite). I know that she is likely to copy most of what I do. That's essentially how children learn. Knowing this fact, I make a conscious effort to not use foul language, however, my "F word" is "flip" and even though there's nothing offensive about this word it's not something that I'm necessarily comfortable with hearing my 6-year-old daughter use it. That being said, my daughter and I had a frank conversation where she confessed that she had only said "flip" once and will not say it again, however, she explained that it's very hard not to say things when she always hears me using the same words. It was almost as if she grew up about 20 years just to put me in my place before returning back to the tender age six again. Anytime I tell her off for something that she has copied/learned from me, I can hear my wife's voice in the background silently asking "I wonder where she gets that from?" It's important to understand that our children only imitate the lives they're exposed to. (Tweet this!) So we can't get angry at them for copying our actions. The only person we should be mad at is ourselves because we're expecting our children to follow our command rather than our examples. For every time a woman witnesses her man leading his children with words and not actions, a little piece of respect is chipped away. When our wives use the term "You're just like your father" to our children, they actually want this to be a positive statement and we can make that happen. By making sure that our words are in alignment with our actions we can take more responsibility for setting a better example for our children. responsibility for setting a better example for our children.    

 

    

Think Of "Your" Money As Your Own    

Whether you have a joint income or you're the sole provider, never think of your money as your own. I became the sole provider in my home when my wife made a sacrifice to put her career on hold to become the primary educator of our daughter. Both of our roles are very important as one cannot be done without the other, however, sometimes I have referred to my income as my own and have also spent without consideration for whether my daughter or my wife have any requirements. I'm the first to hold both my hands up and admit that I was quite selfish and didn't display the attributes of a servant leader at all. In essence, I was still acting like a single man who only works to meet his own desires and needs. Like most men, I work to provide for my family, however, what we spend our money on is the truest indication of WHY and WHAT we really work for. (Tweet this!) Neglecting the reason why we work hard at making money means we only spend our finances on what we believe it should be spent on rather than having a conversation about how the finances are distributed. I can be completely honest and say that I've made some dumb financial decisions in the past and that was all because complete transparency wasn't there. We weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was being spent on. Next to infidelity, finances are one of the top things that can end a marriage in divorce so, when it comes to finances it's important there's complete transparency on both parts because if there isn't, it's just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.   

 

    

Do The Opposite    

This would wind anyone up if it was consistently done to them, yet most men slip up on this one all the time. A small example is when I'm just popping out to top up the shopping and she may say something like "You always buy the brown can you not this time. Don't buy brown bread, get white instead!" but all I heard was "...buy the brown bread instead!" Now I'm not sure if this is just my dyslexia consistently kicking in whenever my wife needs to rely on me to do something or whether all men suffer from only listening to the beginning and the very end of sentences, however, I've often found myself in a position where something is required of me but then my brain flips it around and as a result I've not done what was asked of me. It's such a simple thing, but it helps to work on the basics and do them brilliantly. This really leads back to my first point because if you are zoned into what is being said you'll be able to fulfil your wife's needs and desires. We are sometimes left scratching our head trying to figure out why we're not getting praises we think we deserve, however, maybe we just suffer from a curable case of manslexia; a habit of doing the opposite of what's required and expecting praise for it. (Tweet this!) It sounds so basic but if you're anything like me, why not try repeating this to yourself; "What is it that she requires of me? What is it that she definitely DOES NOT require? ONLY DO OR GET WHAT SHE REQUIRES!!!" or even write it in your phone. I'm aware I can be a little caveman-esque sometimes and the methods I deploy can sometimes be a little primitive, however, it's about doing whatever you need to do to get the job done!   

 

    

Be A Reactive Leader  

If you're always reactive then you’re always going to be unprepared and this will cause those you lead to lack in confidence yet, this is how I used to lead. As any normal family, my family have experienced its fair share of highs and lows but whatever the altitude, I've always found myself in a position where the situation has been met with my reactive, ill prepared decisions. This meant I’ve not always been as effective as I could have been, due to responding reactively rather than having more of a proactive approach. When I've been in these situations I've allowed the situation to dictate and predetermine my response. This kind of leadership makes it very difficult for those under my care (my wife and my daughter) to feel safe whilst following my lead. An important part of leadership is making other feel safe or even empowered whilst following you. A reactive leader can not breed an environment of safety or empowerment in his home. (Tweet this!) Try and pre-empt the situations you face. Be it work, children or relationship problems, try and be ahead of the game and look further than your current situation. It will be different and unique to each family, but learn HOW to be a proactive leader in your home. This will allow you to be able to manoeuvre around the tricky situations you would normally face (in reactive mode) or make you better equipped to face them when those tough situations come knocking at your door. Remember the situations you and you family face should never determine the tone of how you lead your house. Preparation and vision are key to becoming a proactive leader. Our wives are more often happy to go through tough situations as a family, however, it's can cause great frustration for them when we never see it coming and therefore can not act proactively.    

  

  

What do you do that rub your partner up the wrong way? Do you give your wife more attention on Facebook than you do in the real world? I know most women hate that! I guess the most import question of all is, what hacks have you found that help to prevent you from continually doing that really annoying thing over and over again? I know I can't be the only person who can "occasionally" tick off his wife, so, I'd love to hear some of your journeys where you have transitioned from annoying to awesome....almost!    

 

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Let me know your thoughts on this and more importantly, share your story in the comments box below.  

 

 "When you tug at a single thing in the world, you find that it's attached to everything else." John Muir 

I think this quote best sums up where we are currently with the roles we play in our relationships and marriages. I was having a conversation with an old colleague when she proudly boasted that she takes the lead and wears the trousers in her marriage because her husband is "rubbish at that kind of stuff". This got me thinking about what it means to "wear the trousers" in a relationship. The "trouser" is a symbol that represents a man who is decisive, leads, provides and knows how to introduce new things to a relationship but the truth is that in the society we currently live in, this has become optional for a man to choose whether or not he wears the "trousers" in a relationship. In essence, when a man opts out of wearing the trousers, he pulls away from fulfilling his roles within a relationship and creates a vacancy of which his partner will ultimately lean into in order to keep things ticking over. I'm going to call this process "The Tug".


Have you ever heard a woman confess to planning all of her date nights? Maybe you've heard a married woman openly share that she is the one who makes all the decisions and guides the direction of her marriage? These statements seem quite acceptable on the surface however, these are both statement that simply highlight areas in a relationship where a void has been created by a man who hasn't fully stepped UP and stepped IN to HIS trousers. We've all been there at some point but the question is this - how do we get back in our grease-stained, old spice smelling trousers again? How can we be intentional about getting back in the driver’s seat and become that symbol of a man who's decisive, leads, provides and knows how to be intentional about bringing new experiences to the relationship again?  

I thought I'd share 9 things us men could all be doing today in order to make sure we are wearing our own trousers again and fulfilling our natural role within the relationship:

 

  

1. Up Your Game.  

Don't reduce her to have to come down to the level that you are currently underperforming at. DO MORE! Be better, be encouraged and feel challenged to push yourself to grow beyond capacity. Be committed to again becoming a man who was IS dedicated to stretch and work on self-development. When you grow, she grows; and when she grows, so does the rest of the family. It's a no brainer! If you want to get back in the driver’s seat, you have to increase your level of drive, passion, and competence. Most men can quite easily be content with repeating the same routine year in year out but, it turns out, most women like variety, change, and progression. So up your game and work on providing an environment that allows others to feel inspired to grow also. 

 

 

2. Initiate date night.  

Dates can be fun but if single people are the only ones who get to go on them, then... well, you're better off not getting married. Ask her out on a date! Just because you've got the girl it doesn't mean that the fun stops. The fun has just begun! Don't just go on dates with your wife - make sure that you are the one who initiates it. Set the date and be intentional about creating new experiences. There is nothing worse than taking her to the same place over and over and over again because she told you ONCE that she really liked the food there.  If you’re stuck for ideas, check out the abc's of dating ideas. 

 

  

3. Bring Out The Best In Her.  

Find out what she is passionate about, what takes her to that ‘happy place’ and lead her there. When you take the time to just reconnect with each other and tap back into those characteristics which attracted you to each other in the first place you can begin to rediscover what she is passionate about and what makes her happy. It’s good to take a side step out of your current situation and remind yourself of why you promised to commit to this woman. Look for the best in her - even when she is mad at you - because if you focus on what you love about her and work on bringing that out of her more, you can’t help but be driven by that love to forgive the things you don’t.  

 

  

4. Don't Try To Change Her.  

Trust me when I say you probably have plenty of work to do on yourself and that is all you should be worrying about. Men often moan and criticise their wives but I think if you were to swap the word ‘brother’ for ‘wife’, this quote from the bible sums it up perfectly: “why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”  Your job is to love her as she is. Nothing more, nothing less.    

 

  

5. A Happy Wife Makes a Happy Life. 

You are the engine that powers that happy train! Grasping the concept that your wife’s sole purpose in life is NOT simply to make you happy is key. Be accountable for creating your own happiness. My father has always said, “a happy wife is a happy life.” And I have to admit... he was right. I recently surprised my wife with a trip to Rome for her birthday and found that it's in the little moments like that where my joy has come from simply seeing her be happy. The environment we live in may not always be conducive to building a happy life, however, as men it’s our job to do our very best to work on cultivating and changing the environment around us! Read this article for more on how to make a happy wife. 

 

  

6. Have Fun!  

Laughter! Remember that? I know that life can sometimes knock the fun out of us but try not to take life so seriously. Have fun; jump on her (not too hard!) and be playful (wink wink). Make her laugh. Take a risk and make a fool out of yourself... for her. Take an unplanned road trip or whatever else you need to do to kick-start the fun. It's been said that the best curve on a woman’s body is her smile. So put yourself in positions where you are forced to chase after new adventurous experiences and put a smile on her face.  

 

  

7. Unplug!  

With all of the distractions around us, we can often mistake being ‘there’ for being ‘present’. Don’t focus on simply being in her presence, focus on engaging with her mentally.  I once heard the mind of a man likened to a house, in which a woman is waiting to be invited into every room.  So invite her into your world. Create an unplugged moment! Switch off the TV, go for a walk, talk, share your visions and goals for your family and listen to her views and feedback.  Regularly set aside time to give her all your time, your focus and all of your attention. All of it - 100%.  

 

 

8. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.  

Time together is great when it happens, however, I have found that having that time apart can actually help create a space that allows us enjoy our own time as individuals and have more to talk about when we reconnect. If you have children, or even if you don’t, allow her to take time for herself. We all need that space every now and then to have a moment where we can just indulge in something tailored for us. The bonus is that if you don’t have children, then whilst she is having her time off you can also have yours! Chicken Dinner... Everyone's a winner! 

 

 

9. Learn To Lead.  

Some men are just born leaders. They know exactly what to do, how to empower and have an innate knack for leading others. You also have those who don't fit in that category and the position of leadership has been a learned character trait, however, whether you're born with these abilities or you've learned them along the way, every man CAN and SHOULD lead in his relationship. Let's take the Tango, for example. There are 2 roles needed to execute this dance properly; a male part and a female part. The key to making this dance work and function as it was designed is to have a strong and confident male that... LEADS. Once the male is able to lead in this dance it makes it very easy for the female to then follow in any direction that he leads. Marriage is no different. Leading is a man’s innate function however HOW we choose to lead must first be learned. So get learning! You can learn by changing your circle of friends and start hanging out with other guys whose wives can vouch for them as men and as husbands. Take tips, lead and introduce her to new unexplored paths within your relationship. A man who can Tango well will have a woman who is confident in his ability to lead and will follow him to the end of the Earth. Learn to lead the Tango of life!  

  

Conclusion

At some point, we mistook the meaning of the word "equality" for the word "same". My wife and I are equal, however, we are not the same, and so our roles are both equally important though they function in very different ways. If we forget our roles as men and allow our women to step in, then we will ultimately end up depriving our women, and those around us, of a much-needed resource that is very much needed in this day and age. Let's start wearing the trousers again so she doesn't have to!w and lets talk!

There’s a lot of bad marriage advice out there. Advice like “If it doesn't work out you can always get divorced.” or, one many of us men might hear “never marry a woman who makes more money than you.” On the surface most of what we hear can seem like sound advice that has been given for your protection however, it can often be very destructive and end up being the very thing that ends up harming your marriage. I've personal heard a lot of bad advice prior to getting married and I'm now very cautious on the advice I give on marriage as a result. People who give bad marriage advice are not intentionally trying to wreck your marriage before it has even started, but, perhaps haven't yet challenged the origin and the through process behind some of this "helpful" advice. Here are 4 examples of bad marriage advice I've heard that sounds great but can potentially destroy a marriage if taken on board!

 

Follow your heart

The truth is that sometimes our heart will lead us to do some really dumb stuff. It's never a wise move to lead with your emotions so it's important that we don’t follow our heart unless our heart is following our principles and commitments. A man's heart can sometimes lead him to the things that are wrong and my heart has a tendency to sometimes give in to my selfish needs. If we're speaking truthfully; our hearts may not always lead us to a place where we want to stay committed to our spouse but it's vital to stay committed regardless of what our heart feels. Our feelings can be very fickle and sometimes it just needs our persistence in commitment to allow our feeling to catch up to where our commitments are. Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and think "I really don't feel like going to work today!" But what happens...? I get myself out of bed and find myself at work because I have a commitment to show up and do my job. That’s what I signed up for and should honour that. If we base our marriage on our feelings then it will end up in separation because, as humans, our feeling are up and down all the time and the truth is that our feelings often fail us... a lot!! You may not feel in love at times but as Tina Turner said: "What's love got to do with it?" Our feeling can sometimes even betray our core beliefs, but our word and our commitments to our marriage should remain strong. Tweet this! I've learned that once you focus on your commitments you can allow your heart and your feeling the time it needs to catch up. Think with your head, not your heart!

 

Have separate bank accounts

If you run your own business that you have a very valid reasons for having separate bank accounts, however, If this is not the case and you have made the choice that your funds should not be combined due to some “good advice” you heard then this may lead you down a path of secrets and become breeding ground for lack of trust. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having separate bank accounts. Truth be told, I enjoy the benefits of having both joint and separate accounts, however, it's the motive behind why we may feel the need to keep our personal finances from our spouse. (Question I'm pondering: Is there such a thing as personal finances once married?) Before my wife and I got married we had our separate bank accounts, however, the moment we brought our house together and had an equally invested interest in both our personal and joint finances, we decided to join most of our money. Ask yourself why you have decided to have separate bank accounts. If you're like me then you might be thinking "How will I be able to hide all of my secret purchases... Fast food?" (I can sometimes be a bit of a secret eater... I love my food! Lol!) But seriously, this helps us to remain financially accountable to each other but it also means that we become transparent and do not have the need to hide anything no matter how big or small. It may seem like such a small thing but that's how dishonesty often creeps into the relationship. Remember, you are married to this person and you should both be in the loop when it comes to your joint income and finances. I've personally made some dumb financial decisions and that was all because we weren't both in the loop on how much was coming in and what it was all being spent on. When things aren't adding up that's when we leave ourselves open to start making up stuff and money and finance really can break trust in a marriage. Tweet this! so when it comes to finances it's important that there's complete transparency on both parts. Whether your accounts are joint or separate, the conversation regarding the money that comes in and goes out of the house should be one that is openly discussed between husband and wife. 

 

Always put the kids first

I would lay down my life for my child. What father wouldn't? In fact, most of us parents wouldn't give it a second thought to literally risk life and limb for our kids. That being said, however, if you take on the advice that "it’s ALL about the kids" then you'll leave no time to focus on your marriage. Many of us make this mistake when our children are first born  (I would be the first to put my hands up for that one) but that ok for a while, until you adjust into the swing of things. It's vital to be aware of the power a child has and to understand that a child has the power to drive an unintentional wedge in between a husband and his wife. Putting the kids first can sometimes set you and your spouse up to become disconnected from each other on every level as husband and wife and you'll only connect as two people who parent the same children. What I've now learned is that what I should simply give our kids a great chance of having their own successful marriage by setting a dedicated and committed example of marriage for them. Tweet this! A lot of people opt out of ever getting married simply because of the examples they saw from their parents. We run the risk of potentially handicapping our children's future marriages by putting them first in ours! Work on having the kind of marriage that makes your children actually want to get married some day! Kiss each other when you get in from work. Hug, hold hands and snuggle up when watching TV. Make it visible that mum and dad are attracted to each other and actually still do love each other.

  

Have a plan B

This is usually the kind of advice that you would typically hear being passed down from a woman scorned however these days you get a number of men who protect themselves from re-living previous hurts (yes we hurt too sometimes). It's our self-preservation instincts kicking in. In life, we are taught to have options and always have plan B, C and even D ready just in case things don’t go well with plan A. We would do this with our career’s, our financial investments and even our studies options. We habitually create layers of options that form our safety net so that we have something to fall back on "Just in case." On the surface, this makes absolute sense. These options are designed to protect us however what can protect us can also prevent us from committing out everything into a marriage.

Imagen this! You've to get somewhere important today but you have a couple of option open to you.
Plan A: You can jump on a train but you have to leave your home a little earlier in order to be on time to catch it.
Plan B: You have your car sitting in the driveway with a full tank of gas that would give you the option to drive yourself to your destination from door to door.

I have been in this exact situation so many times and somehow I always end up driving myself to my destination because the truth is; I was never really committed to getting ready in time to action plan A because in the back of my head I knew that I had plan B to fall back on.

Here’s the thing, when you prepare a "plan B" you can never fully throw yourself into a committed relationship because you'll always have one foot in the door and the other out and that always results in never giving your all to make plan A work. Let plan A be the only plan you need.


Conclusion

We've all had marriage advice that on the surface sounds great and some of us have even passed this advice on to others without even realising it. But the truth is this; not all good marriage advice is good for everybody! It's not a "one size fits all" kinda thing. The thing is with advice is that you can either take it or leave it. It's always good to hear WHY someone does something within their marriage as this is the heart of what they are trying to say. What is the end result that they aim to achieve? Think about what ultimately is the purpose of their advice. Once you start digging behind the functional action of the advice you'll then start to truly discover whether the advice you are receiving is good or bad for your marriage


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What are your thoughts? Have you been given any bad marriage advice that on the surface sounded good? Leave a comment below.

My father always advised that living with a woman is not always going to be the easiest thing to do in life, however, if I ever wanted to be happy and achieve true equilibrium within my marriage and within my home, then I would first have to master the art of doing the things that make my wife happy and focus on creating a happy environment for her. My father always said: "If Mamma's happy, everybody's happy. If Mamma's not happy, ain't nobody happy." One of Dad’s goals was to create a great environment for Mum and doing so meant that happiness filtered down to the rest of the house. He based a lot of his relationship advice to me on this saying. Where did he get this from...? His father maybe? Nope... a fridge magnet.
So how can we take this profound advice (from a fridge magnet) and start proactively working on pleasing our wife? Here are 4 things I've learnt:

Discover Her Interests!

That sounds simple enough, however, most of us men find it difficult to truly understand what our women want. We often go for what we are told "most women" like; chocolate, flowers - even diamonds but this isn't every woman's bag. I have found that the secret to what your woman truly desires can be simply unlocked by the power of LISTENING!!!
Whilst driving back from Bristol to London (over 120 miles), my wife and mother in law made me aware of just how completely in the dark I was about what women ACTUALLY want. After unsuccessfully petitioning my points on the matter, I retreated and reluctantly set my ears to "listening mode" and here's a little secret I learned and it turns out that the secret is much louder than you may have thought!
Have you ever been in a conversation with the Mrs and she says something like "Oh that would be nice to try" or "We should do that sometime"? Well... It turns out that what she's doing there is actually spelling it out for you. LOL! I know, it's crazy, right? I literally can't count a number of times I've been in a conversation with my wife and she has dropped these massive hints that have just gone flying right over my head!
Listen to her hints and try to understand what she likes through observation rather than just coming out and asking her. It turns out that women really like it when you are interested in discovering her interests without having to be told outright. I’m told that it apparently shows a genuine desire to want to get to know her more!

Avoid Monotony

Years ago, I took my then girlfriend, now wife, to this really nice Thai restaurant, just opposite the world famous Harrods in Knightsbridge in London. It was a very romantic, Valentine's dinner date and was probably some of the best Thai food I've tasted in my life. The following year I decided that we would go there again, however, even after searching it on Google, I just could not find this restaurant at all. It was as if the restaurant popped up for that one night of romance and then disappeared. I was forced to make other plans. However, when I told my wife where we would have gone, I could tell from the expression on her face that she was unimpressed. I now know my wife well enough now to know that she would not have been impressed if I could only push my imagination to simply re-visit the same place over and over again just on the basis that she said that she once liked it.
Just because she says she likes it doesn't mean that she wants you to do it all the time. It turns out I've had it all wrong! If you partner says that she likes something, feel free to fulfil that desire of hers but also look at gestures in a similar vein. Push the boat out and take a few calculated risks too! Treat her like a Queen and help her discover new interests that she never thought she'd be in to. It's easy to live like a king when your wife feels like a queen - Click to Tweet this!

Timing Is Key

Right thing + wrong time = wrong thing! Who would've thought that mathematical equations would be applicable to relationship advice??!! But it's true! Doing the right thing at the wrong time will always turn your positive efforts into a negative! We can sometimes be so pleased with ourselves that we have figured out what she really wants only to be bitterly disappointed because we didn't get the response that we thought we would. You may end up with a disheartening response if you are not considerate of your timing. I vividly remember when I was ready to pop the big question but it was like she knew it was coming because whenever I was about to do it she would hint that "whatever I'm thinking... now was not a good time!" Was I that obvious with it?! For the sake of making a point, I guess it's like proposing to your woman on the day of her family member’s funeral because she said that she "always wanted a public proposal." A bit extreme I know but you get my point! If you have the perfect gift, idea or gesture in mind then just be sure to execute it at the right time otherwise your plans and efforts to put a smile on her face may well crash and burn. 

Show Her With Your Actions

I surprised my wife with a trip to Rome for her birthday and safe to say she was blown away - not by the fact that we were in the romantic capital of Italy but that I was actually capable of pulling a trip like this off without her knowing. I'm not going to pretend that I'm the most romantic man on earth and trips like this are an everyday occurrence for us because they’re not. In fact, I’m really bad at gifts ideas and surprises, however, for a few months, my words were few as I secretly planned this surprise trip in an attempt to put the biggest smile on her face for her birthday.
Actions truly do speak louder than words and it's not just about the big gestures. Don't just call her to tell her that you’re missing her today - It's about putting actions over words... get home early and show her that you've missed her! A happy wife doesn't need her husband by her side but loves it when he is. - Click to Tweet this! Don't just accept the fact that you're no good at buying gifts - take a few risks and have a stab at trying to get it right. You'll get it wrong at first but you'll get there if you keep trying. Be a man of action, not words. If you’re willing to serve her with your actions, It's what you DO not what you SAY that's truly remembered. 

 

Conclusion

The goal is to laugh as much as you can with someone you take serious. Some people believe that working on fulfilling your partner’s needs, putting her first and ultimately making her happy means that you neglect your own happiness and this couldn't be any further from the truth. Serving is arguably the biggest part of leadership and when you lead from the front and demonstrate what it looks like to love and care for someone by doing the things that make them happy, it encourages and increases a genuine desire to want to return the gesture. Ultimately, we naturally lean toward treating people as they have treated us (providing it is genuine and without motive). If we are doing our best to pro-actively serve our partners, then they can't help but feel compelled to want to make life easier for us. She will always have your back. When my wife is happy that is when I'm at my happiest. Happiness is being the reason behind your wife's smile. - Click to Tweet this! Work on creating an environment and moments that keep your wife happy and you will surely reap the benefits of that happiness.
Remember this: If you smile at your partner, she is likely to smile back. If you treat her good and make her happy then.... well, you get how it works!

 

If I've added value to my wife's day and she is in a happy mood as a direct result of my actions, I feel like I've accomplished something great and I'm likely to have a great day because of it! How does it make you feel when you make your woman happy? How does it affect you when you don't?

I have come to the realisation that Valentines day is anything but a one day celebration of love.

In a perfect world it should be at least a whole month of romancing, but lets face it, there aren't too many guys out there that have the overflowing of creativity it takes to instinctively strategize one week of romance, let alone a whole month of wine and dining. If you're one of those guys who can do that, I'd like to hear from you to get a few pointers. On the other hand, if you are currently in a relationship with no plans leading up to Valentines day, my guess is that you may be interested in finding out what you could be doing to create a more memorable Valentine's day experience for your partner.

My wife always tells me that (for her and most other women) it ALL start in the mind. You can't just wake up on the 14th of Feb, turn on the Valentine's day charm and just expect her to get with the program just because of the date. She knows your game, she knows that you haven't put the work in and she knows that you're only after one thing.

So! To avoid disappointing her on a day dedicated to declaring your love, here are 14 ideas you can try out in the run up to the 14th of February that should help you create a thoughtful and memorable Valentine's day not to be forgotten.

 

 

1. Make A Playlist

Collate a compilation of all the music that makes you think of her. I can clearly remember some of the music my wife and I used to listen to as we shared earphones and walked through the park. If you want to take it up a gear and go one step further then consider recording your own personal message introducing each song and explaining why you picked it and how it reminds you of her. It's dead simple to do, just use your phone to record your message and add to the playlist to create a great memory that will last for years to come.

 

 

2. Make A Love Note Or Card

Off the shelf cards are great if you're in a hurry, however nothing beats such a simple yet thoughtful task of making your own, bespoke, Valentine's day card. Take a trip to your local crafts store and you'll find loads of material to make what ever kind of card you like! It's the token of love that no one in the world will be able to recreate. If you get stuck for ideas then just check out Pinterest.

 

 

3. Sneak Away

You don't need to book quick getaway flights in order to whisk her away. Remember it starts in the mind. If you're at a party, a family member's home or where ever, sneak away with her and make out like a bunch of teenagers. Keep it light, fun and most importantly, keep her on her toes.

 

 

4. Presence Over Presents

Sometimes the best present you can give her is your uninterrupted time. Clear your schedule and dedicate a whole evening to her and her alone. This takes planning and means that you may need to pop out the night before to make sure you have everything you need to help give her your undivided attention. Cut yourself off from the world, turn off your phones, don’t answer the door and enjoy each other. No interruptions.

 

 

5. Send Her On A Treasure Hunt

If you know a bit about what she does in her day then this might be a great opportunity to leave a trail of notes that she can find throughout her day. On the pillow, dinning table, fridge or even in her car or handbag. Leave a trail that will eventually lead her to her treasure. This will help build anticipation and excitement for the plans you have made for that day.

 

 

6. Take Her Back To Where It All Started

Re-enact your first dinner date. For me, it took place in a small Pizza restaurant in Kensington, London at the sweet age of 18. Visit the place that reminds your partner of what created that spark in the first place. Show off how thoughtful, attentive and romantic you were and still are. Take her back to that moment where the flame was first lit.

 

 

7. Get Physical

Glad I've got your attention but we're not there yet. The kind of 'physical' I'm talking about is the kind you can do in public. Go for a jog, go to an amusement park, maybe a woodland adventure or even have a pillow fight. What ever it is you need to do, just make sure you get physically active. The goal is to get a good flow of endorphins, which is the scientifically proven secret to lifting your moods.

 

 

8. Make A Scrapbook

Compile a list of all the times you've exchanged a love note over twitter or Facebook and write them down in a scrapbook. List everything you love about her and stick in some personal memorabilia like first cinema tickets, first picture together or whatever it is that holds sentimental value to you both.

 

 

9. Book The Day Off

This year Valentine's day falls on a Saturday but why not make an extended weekend out of it. If you can, try and take either the Monday or Friday off! This will give you a bit more time to spend with your lady and you can either get the wheels in motion early on or even finish late without any fret of having to wake up in time for work in the morning.

 

 

10. Surprise Her

Most women appreciate being sent flowers but if that is not within your budget then why not surprise her by actually meeting her on a random day for her lunch (this doesn't have to be on Valentine's day). Treat her to a short dinning break and walk her back to her office as if you were walking her to the front door of her house after a date. Be sure to leave her with a kiss at the door.

 

 

11. Declare Your Love

Declare your love, very publicly. I once saw someone on Facebook post a beautiful short video of himself declaring his love for his wife whilst on the train to work. Such a small token but guaranteed to put a smile on her face.

 

 

12. Give A Full Body Massage

Be strong because this has to be JUST a massage. Anything more and you'll ruin it. This has to be a selfless act that helps her to relax as she watches the TV or reads a book. Remember, this is the build up to the 14th.

 

 

13. Dinner For Two

Make dinner reservations for two at your home address. Either cook a romantic meal or if you can't cook, order food in and serve it up as if it was made with your very own hands. Make the house look a bit fancy and dress up in your finest. Dressing up always makes the occasion feel extra special! Light some candles or why not try setting the mood with some dim fairy lights. This can be a great creative alternative if you don't have dimmers on your home lighting.

 

14. Play Some Marvin Gaye

Do what comes naturally.... Slowly.

 

Conclusion

Who says being romantic has to cost the earth. By trying some of these handy tips, hopefully you'll be able to create a romantic experience that will show off your softer side. Some people think that in order to have a great Valentine's day you have to spend a shed load to display your affection. Rather than buying stuff that has been made for the masses why not try putting in a bit of thought, add your own personal touch and make it a unique experience for one.

Create little moments in the run up to Valentine's day and help to prepare her mind for a more memorable 14th of February.

 

YOUR THOUGHTS

What plans have worked for you in the run up to Valentine's day?

What do you think is completely cliché and should be avoided like the plague?

Add your ideas to this list and share your experiences in the comments box below.
(Happy to hear some views from the ladies on this one) Lets talk!

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