EuGene Jordan

EuGene Jordan

As a young man I often heard people say "Test out the market!", "Have a bit of fun!", "Live the single life!" however this common outlook on life never sat well with me. Remaining single until my late 20's, 30's or even my 40's was never something that sounded too appealing to me. In fact I found that my views were quite the opposite. Here are a few reasons that cemented my desire to pursue a long term relationship sooner rather than later.  

I Wanted To Give The Best Of Me

Generally, when you enter a long term, loving, relationship you are basically saying "this is my life and I want to share it with you". So it's only fair that we share the very best of ourself with the one we love! Our youth is packed with ambition, vigour and a pliable mind. All great advantages when trying to merge two paths into one. As we all know, it's extremely hard to bend an old tree that is not only set in it's ways but neglects to see the purpose in making changes. 

It appears quite selfish to intentionally prepare to share the decay of life with someone in hope that they will be there to look after you. The idea of being young enough to create a life and realise tones of new experiences to look back on, appears much more appealing than spending it with countless women I'd rather forget.

 

There's Nothing Manly About Being Single Minded

For the most part, as a child we were afforded the benefit of focusing on ourself as our number one priority, whilst our parents took care of our needs. So it's not hard to see why many of us step into adulthood with a sole desire to take care of ourself with a high fixation on our current needs. Quotes like "live fast, die young" come to mind. The Neverland experience we often crave from the moment, has a way of stunting our growth, leaving us with a nauseating feeling of anxiety. This feeling is typically blocked by increasing the speed of our fast pace lifestyle.

Whilst the single life can perpetuate a singular mindset, being in a committed relationship can have the opposite effect if you're ready to be stretched! For men in particular, long term relationships really do develop character, broaden your shoulders through an increased level of responsibility and will hopefully introduce the concept of interdependency as you learn to function together as a unit. All skills that keep us evolving further into manhood as we position ourself to cater to the needs of the ones we love.

 

I Had No Aspiration To Be Single

Being single certainly does have its benefits and I think experiencing a period of singleness is essential to personal growth, should you aim to get to know yourself and develop yourself to become of benefit to someone else.  

It was always one of my aspirations to be a good husband and have a family of my own to lead, serve and enjoy. So whilst I knew that singleness would be a much needed experience, I was also very eager to utilise my singleness as a time of preparation as oppose to a place of residency or a badge of honour. There are many guys who feel empowered by their singleness, enjoy the reception that comes with being a bachelor or see it as a time to build their own name independently.

I personally believe most humans perform better as part of a complimentary team. Functioning as part of a loving family or couple can even add a few more years onto your life, which is a great health benefit!

 

YOUR THOUGHTS

How do view singleness? Do you love the bachelor lifestyle?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Be Social!

The most frequently asked question I receive when ever someone asks about my marriage is "Why did you get married so young?"

To me it just made perfect sense. If you have found someone that you want to do life with and also create life with, then I don't see the point in wasting time. Here's the thing; if you know that you've found the right woman, it makes no logical sense to wait until you've hit the 'average age bracket' that most couples get married!

Before I had even met my wife I already knew that I was very open to settling down very early in life, largely because of these influencing factors.

A Solid Example Had Been Set Before Me

I grew up in a house where my parents had been in a committed marriage well before I came into the world and they are still together till this day.

They tied the knot at the age of 23 and my 2 older brothers also got married at the age of 23. So the trend was set before my eyes. There was no verbal expectation regarding the age I should get married, however we all wanted a relationship like my mother and father's. We also wanted our own childhood sweetheart to share memories of our youth with whilst advocating the pros of a long lasting married life, just as my parents had done for all of us.

We also saw that raising eight children was not easy and definitely took a "man's man" to consistently be the dominant figure in our life, constantly prioritising the needs of the family before his own. I grew up in a house of 5 boys and 3 girls, where the boys had been reared to serve all family members and protect our sisters as my father intentionally instilled in us the need to ensure that our life sort to add value to someone outside of ourself.

It would be naive of me to believe that my upbringing had no influence on my marital decisions. In my early years of adolescence I would say that my intentions were originally based solely on traditions and I was just eager to follow suit. Was that the right motive behind wanting to get married??? Probably not! Did it point me in the right direction and help form a mindset that prepared me in finding someone to settle down with for my own reasons? Absolutely!

She Was Worth The Chase!

After meeting my wife the penny dropped. My wife helped me to see where I needed to up my game. To be honest she made me work hard to get her (this is a trick that a lot of women miss). Just observing the way she thought and went about things, made me start thinking long and hard about my career path, property, children, the lot! I made up my mind and began to get myself into a position that would enable me to step up to my responsibilities and become the man who would show her how committed I was to making an 'honest woman' out of her for the long haul.


She Brought Out The Best In Me

The truth is that the process of having to chase my wife made me grow as a person and brought to surface some of the better qualities and attributes that make up who I am today. Once I began to see myself becoming a better person, my family getting along with her and her ability to bring out new qualities in me, I knew wholeheartedly that this woman was a definite keeper. It was apparent that there was becoming less reason to regard age as a factor as to when I would decide to propose to my (then) girlfriend, as I was ready to make a lifetime commitment there and then.

 

I think sometimes we can restrict ourselves from making any real commitment to important things in life, in an attempt to prolong what may be the inevitable. In my head it was inevitable that I would get married at some point in my life. I had seen the benefits that a young marriage can bring first hand via the examples set by my parents and elder brothers.

I personally see no reason to put off what can be done today for tomorrow. Yes I got married young, but I knew I was ready to fulfil my role as a caring, loving and providing husband and my wife was the one that I was ready to do that with.

Entering into a long term, committed relationship at the age of 18 which later lead to the start of our marital journey at the age of 21 had absolutely nothing to do with trying to appeal to the status quo. However it had everything to do with our conscious decision to commit our today and forever to loving each other and cultivating what we have together, for the benefit of ourselves and our future family. 

YOUR THOUGHTS

Is there such a thing as a 'good age' to get married? If so what age do you think would be a more appropriate age to marry?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Be Social!

Over the last 7+ years the western world as we know it experienced its severest recession since the 1950s. Unemployment peaked at almost 2.7 million at the end of 2011 in the UK alone, according to the Office of National Statistics.

During this global financial crisis, the very concept of job security seemed non existent, with millions of skilled men and women around the world left without a job. This left many of us under immense pressure to re-evaluate ourselves, future plans and our benefit to the ones we love.

It was whilst thinking about the current economic climate that I came across the quote "Maturity is the capacity to endure uncertainty" and it really got me thinking about the journey from adolescence to manhood.

Is there a difference between a man who is slightly more rooted in his manhood than a man who tends to have an adolescent mindset when placed in the workplace? How do both types of men respond to the new notion of uncertainty that comes with a job prospect? Is there more value placed on reputation or is there any real need to give more when you are possibly under valued? These were some of the questions that ran through my mind, as I began to note some of the differences I had observed over the years.

Adolescent mindset in the workplace

Nonchalant & Quits Easily

It's very hard to find a man with an adolescent mindset who genuinely cares about his job when he is not the primary bread winner "bringing home the bacon". The comfort of knowing he has parents or a partner to catch him if he falls can often allow him to gain confidence from his nonchalant attitude. His ability to commit to his job is highly dependent on his level of interest for the role, however should someone within that company rub him up the wrong way he is happy to leave without hesitation or thought for his responsibilities at work or at home.

Inappropriate Presentation

I've had the pleasure of working with guys who've been pulled up on their appearance and personal hygiene by management. I can only imagine how awkward it must be for a manager to have to think about how they are going approach a man pertaining to his recurring issue of poor presentation or personal hygiene. Whether a man can be bothered to groom himself or not, should not be the only factor that comes into play when deciding to be clean and smell good. A little consideration to all those you may come into contact with whilst at work or on your daily commute goes a long way! We all represent far more than ourselves and our emotions and we communicate that in what we say, what we do, how we look and in some cases how we smell.

Poor Time Keeping

Here are the top 3 repeated excuses I have heard from guys who often turn up late for work:

1. "Err... I was out late last night."

2. "The bus driver drove off as I got to the bus stop"

3. "Sorry... I hit the snooze button and over slept!"

I don't think it would be so bad if these were one off excuses, but in true adolescent form once you've got away with an excuse once, it automatically means you should persist on using the same excuses over and over again without implementing any lifestyle changes to avoid these repeated mishaps. I do think to myself, what does this guy really expect his boss to think of him? Does he want his boss to know that he thinks he's gullible? Is he trying to avoid responsibility by highlighting how unreliable he is? Or is he just trying to convey how meaningless he considers his role to be?

I have also had the experience of working with guys who have taken such a long lunch break that they have had to be called to get back to work. Lol! If that's not a reminder of being at school, I don't know what is.

Manhood mindset in the workplace

Productive

This guy measures himself on growth, always seeking to build on what he has and progress from where he is. He is aware that his level of productivity helps to define his value within the workplace and this helps to support any plans he may have to progress. He spends less time talking or postponing an increasing workload and spends more time dealing with things immediately as he manages his responsibilities.

Purposeful

We generally find it easier to commit to a job for a longer period of time once we have establish why we're there and for the more mature man, knowing this information is of great importance. This man takes the time to understand and constantly review why he is in his job whilst trying to align these reasons with personal goals or existing responsibilities. Once he understands the purpose of his job, he is able to look beyond short term preferences such as how likeable his colleagues are and the office environment, when financial stability may be of a higher priority at this point in time.

A man who comfortably operates in manhood often finds fulfilment and functionality in being able to provide for himself and more importantly others. This can fuel his ability to stick at something even though he may well be over qualified for the job he is currently doing.

Punctual

Punctuality is a discipline that instantly shows a level of integrity and respect for the arrangements you have agreed to commit to. A man who has his mind set toward manhood takes the time to proactively ensure his actions validate his character.

This type of man is generally viewed as an honourable man of his word who is dependable and ready for the task at hand. Interestingly enough it’s very hard to get rid of people you rely on, so if cuts do need to be made within the workforce, this type of man can feel slightly more confident that he won’t be first inline to get the chop, based on the consistency of his character.

 

Whilst training with a recruitment company I was once told that they have a preference to hiring people who either own or rent a home, are married or have children. 'Why?' you may ask! Well I asked that same question. It turns out that some employers recognise that having someone working for their organisation that has large financial commitments, dependents or has committed themselves to being in a life time relationship, demonstrates that they have potential to commit to their job and are more likely to take the responsibility for their role more seriously, as they are working to attain or maintain a certain lifestyle.

Was this company saying that a single person is less employable? Not at all! However it is harder to see the benefits of entering a relationship with a single minded person whether the relationship is personal or professional. The journey into manhood should help us to see the gratitude that can be gained from giving, the sense of pride that comes from knowing you gave your best and have well founded reason to expect what was promised in return.

I’ve noticed that there seems to be a general consensus which gives the impression that you have to be given responsibility in order to become responsible and I personally think that type of thought empowers an adolescent mindset among men. The idea that says “unless I assume the responsibility, I’m not responsible” can really slow down a mans progress. Ben Affleck once said in a movie called 'Boiler room' "Act as if" and I recommend this mindset! So how do you use the 'Act as if' mindset? It may look something like this:

If a man lives with his parents, the ’Act as if' mindset says work, save and contribute as if you were living under your own roof!

From what I have observed, having a manhood mindset whilst in the workplace just means that you understand why you have entered a professional contract and you have the integrity to honour your agreement.

YOUR THOUGHTS

Can you think of any other attributes that can easily be associated with a man who operates in manhood within the workplace?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Be Social!

 

I started doing some research on which sex tends to leave home first. Males or Female? Whilst on my search for the answer I spoke with some of the guys at the Office of National Statistics and believe me when I tell you, I was shocked by the answer!

Turns out that in every age bracket, women always leave home before men. I was stumped!

Statistics show that in 2011, 1 in 3 men and 1 in 6 women aged 20 to 34 lived with their parents in the UK. This would mean that women are almost twice as likely to leave home before men. Another interesting point to mention is that 39% of men who left home were living in their own household as a couple whilst only 10% of men were recorded as living alone. Could this be a contributing factor to why many women seem to establish a stronger sense of independence at much younger age when often compared with men?

This information really got me thinking! What is holding us guys back from being ready to leave home earlier in life? I started looking at some of the key differences between a guy who is living with parents whilst operating in Manhood in comparison to a guy who still demonstrates an adolescent mindset.

Adolescence Mindset Whilst Living With Parents

Frivolous Spenders

Frivolous spenders seem to place a high priority on their "wants" and things they believe will contribute to improving their image. So it's often second nature for men who still find a sense of freedom in their adolescence to believe it's necessary to spend the majority of their wages on either the latest gadgets, clothes or the most eye catching accessories for their car. Even though they may fail to contribute to the "up keep" of their parents house, they still confidently have the ability to "borrow" money to get through the month from the very people who are already providing a roof over their head, practically rent free.

Treats The House Like A Hotel

This kind of guy is always up and out! The type of guy that if you were to call his parents house, they'd say "I think he's in his room" shortly before finding out that he left the house without saying good bye. Rest assure he'll be back just in time to receive a prepared meal from one of his parents. For some reason, men with adolescent mindsets seem to be experts in knowing the specification of everyone else's role within their parents house a part from their own, which consequently means that he expects someone else to clean up after him or needs to be convinced to tidy up after himself.

Always Has Something To Prove

The catch 22 about being older than the age you act is that technically you should be at a level of maturity where your parents have no need to nag you. However, the adolescent mindset dictates that you should be exempt from your parents house rules because you are legally an adult. But your lack of help causes contention between you and your parents and leaves you feeling like you constantly need to prove that you're a "grown man" through resistance rather than with a maturity to proactively help out. This often causes many men to feel frustrated and consequently causes them to retreat; treating the spare room of their parents house as an isolated studio flat.

Manhood Mindset Whilst Living With Parents

A Contributor

Even though this type of man may be unsure of how long his stay at his parents may be, he's aware that it won't be forever (unless he's a designated carer of his parents). With this knowledge he works hard, saves towards his future and consistently contributes financially towards the running of the house. His aim is to continue to build healthy habits that will allow him to be a good steward of his own home and ensure he does not become a burden to his parents.

Always Willing To Serve

Operating in manhood can empower you to serve from a place of gratitude without feeling insecure, inferior or undervalued. A mature man finds pleasure in taking the opportunity to serve his parents, as he is aware that it is the least he can do in demonstration of the love and respect he has for his parents. Whether it's running the odd errand, cooking the occasional meal or cleaning, he gets on with it without being asked. He understands his experience at his parents home is merely a practice ground, setting the tone for the type of example he will hope to one day set for his own family.

Takes Responsibility

Over time we learn that not all rules are written and not all expectations should need to be constantly voiced. With this in mind we know that It takes a proactive man to consider the wishes of his parents at the beginning of his decision making process, rather than having to be reminded of the house rules like a child. A man who operates with a manhood mindset may choose to filter the type of people he brings into his parents home, come in at a respectable time or help with DIY jobs around the house. All with an aim to fulfil an unsaid expectation that was naturally set at the point of agreeing the living arrangements presented by his parents.

 

I think it's important to remember that charity begins at home, along with our ability to develop our responsibilities and the type of relationships we choose to build. Our parents home should be our training ground, no matter how old we are.

YOUR THOUGHTS

If you were living back home with your parents, what advice would you give your younger self?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Be Social!

Page 7 of 7

Latest

© 2017 Men and Marriage. All Rights Reserved.
×