I Was Ready For Marriage When...

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Many people ask me how did I know I was ready for marriage and whilst I didn't have one specific moment where I knew I was absolutely ready to be a husband, I did reach a point where I knew it was time for me to start trying to prepare myself for future roles I'd hoped to take on later in life. 

I think it's very important that you firstly want it for yourself instead of being pressured to respond to ultimatums or peer pressure. If you don't really desire the journey of marriage right now and what it takes to be committed for the long haul, then you'll just be setting yourself up to be dragged all the way through your relationship and I doubt that will produce much enjoyment.

If you're wanting to get married for your own reasons then you'll naturally be willing to ask questions and look for answers. You'll begin to ask more of yourself and look for results, which will make you more inclined to see the purpose of your own personal process of self development. 

Here are a few indicators that helped me to feel more confident in my decision to pursue my (then) girlfriend and start a married life with her.

The Idea Of Making A Lifetime Commitment Became A Goal 

I knew from the age of 16 that one day I wanted to have the ability to commit to one woman for the rest of my life!

By no means did I think this would be an easy task, but I knew in order for me to have a better chance of managing and obtaining this goal in the future, I would have to start actively conditioning my mindset. So at the tender age of 16 I decided to make a conscious effort to start shaping my character.

I was intentional about being completely faithful in relationships. I chose to opt out of friendly flirting opportunities by playing the ignorance card and made girls believe that I was unaware of their attempts, which often reduced their efforts once they realised that I had no intention of feeding into the attention they desired. I would always think to myself; if the shoe was on the other foot how would I feel? I would think; would I be okay knowing that my partner was on the phone talking to a random guy in the early hours of the morning? Probably not!

My ethos was to treat others how I would like to be treated. In preparation for a lifetime commitment with my future wife I decided to "cut off" female friends that did not have my best interests at heart and were only hanging around with ulterior motives.

It may sound extreme to some, however self control is a vital quality for anyone, especially Men who plan to honour their partners faithfully. A wise man once said "A man becomes a king once he learns how to rule himself." 

 

I Was Happy To Make My Future Wife A High Priority

At some point I knew I would have to put my wife before everyone... Including my mum, dad, brothers and sisters.

You have to realise that this was the hardest thing to for me to do. Simply because I come from a family of 8 siblings all from the same mum and dad, which I love dearly and could barley conceive putting anyone before them. The common saying we all tend to hold onto says "blood is thinker than water" however in reality planning to place my family above my wife would be like "cutting my nose off to spite my face" as I would not be sleeping with my family each night. 

I believe it is so important to take the time out to reflect and reassess our priorities when in a committed relationship, because so many of us guys are culprits for thinking that it's ok to put our mother above all others because she gave birth to us. Some mothers even expect their sons to put them before any woman they marry?

The reality is that at some point every man will need to come to the conclusion that if he wants to have a happy marriage, he will need to clearly communicate the level of his wife's importance to his parents, to ensure they are aware of your wish to see her equally respected by the family as she takes a higher level of priority. 

 

I Recognised The Need To Shadow Good Examples

There is nothing wrong with having an idea of how great you want your marriage to be, but don't forget to take a good dose of reality and surround yourself with good men who are not just talking the talk but walking the walk. Find men who will let you shadow them and ask questions as you remain close enough to see a good relationship demonstrated before your very eyes. 

You'll find that there will be things you may wish to adopt for your future marriage or things you may decide to do differently. You tend to grasp a better Idea of what you will realistically strive for the more time you spend around people who are living out their marriage in front of you. 

You may find that your desire to have a conflict free marriage may be a tad unrealistic, whilst learning the importance of how to place a high value on keeping strong lines of communications open to reduce ruptures within the relationship.

On my personal journey my eldest brother opened the doors of his house to me and allowed me to shadow and be around him nearly everyday so I had the luxury of seeing how my brother operated in business, as a husband and a family man. I saw a completely new side to my brother and I will be forever grateful that he allowed me to stay so close under his wing, as it really gave me the opportunity to formulate a picture of the life I wanted to build with my wife.

 

If I could some up when I really knew I was ready for marriage, I would say it was the moment I realised that it all starts with me, making time to develop a character who understands that the journey of marriage will require me to always be developing, reflecting and building with my wife in all sorts of weathers.

Much like training for a marathon, if your mind and character is not ready to constantly shape shift it may be a tough knock to the head trying to wrap your mind around having to become a leader, servant, father, friend, coach, cheerleader, businessman, chef, provider and protector to the best of your ability whilst you constantly learn on the job. Seeing other men deal with their responsibilities will remind you that there are others who have experienced many of the circumstances we will go through and they are alive to tell the tale! You'll remember how you saw others respond and how they solved problems with their partner and kept their love alive.

Whilst I will never be perfect, it was hugely important for me to start working on myself before placing high expectations on anyone else. 

 

YOUR THOUGHTS

Can you ever be ready for marriage?

If so how else can we prepare to be better husbands?

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